my roommate is everything i hate in the world in the world right now.
she never stops eating. i don’t know how she ever feels bad about herself. she grosses me out, and makes me feel fat. i feel like i am forced to eat around her because of fear she might suspect anything. she’s so loud when she eats, and it makes me feel like she is throwing it in my face. i know that is not true at all but i still feel like it. thank god break is really soon. i can see if this is all because i need space from her. you know when you get so frustrated at life that you imagine punching someone or choking them. well…i do.

but it’s not like i really have a problem. it just feels like i do. i have such immense guilt when i eat too much. but whose to say that is bad thing. i feel sick when i over eat. this is such a new thing though. i can tell if it is a bad thing or the development of a good habits. i am going to go with the latter, since i am losing weight for the first time in my life.

why is it that the only place i can hide my feelings is on the internet.

you know there are something things i feel like i cannot tell people. i cannot let it out through twitter or tumblr due to the fact that my friends follow me on those sites. i cannot let it out with my parents, they’d worry.

it has mostly been my weight. i need to be skinny, it is past a want. i will feel so much better without the fat, but then i sit there looking at thinspo and find the super skinny girls scary. that’s why i don’t feel like i have an eating disorder. i am actually the happiest i have been with my body ever. i just want to loose more weight, and i know it wouldn’t hurt my body to do so. i just can’t say that to my friends. they’d think something more of it. especially my roommate. she just doesn’t help. she eats so much, stuffing her face. i feel this peer pressure to eat so much, but i think she is actually an over eater. if she cut out half the stuff she ate and drank she’d be less fat.

i just need a place to say shit like that. i do not need to see a therapist. life isn’t perfect but i am confident in myself that i don’t need one. i feel guilty for that, or my friends are fucked up since they all go to one.

this seems like a perfectly fine place to just say things i want to say.